Our Completely Odd Ballad of a Psychotic Fanfic
by Erinne Willows
Summary: If you understand or desire to understand why the characters from Rurouni Kenshin, Pirates of the Carribean, Criminal Minds, CSI: Las Vegas, House, Monty Python, or Flipsy from Fairlyoddparents are playing pingpong, this might be for you.
1. Chapter 1

Our Completely Odd Ballad of a Psychotic Fanfic

This fic was created from some odd, completely mental minds. Just so you know.

Warning: This is not my best writing, it is not my best plot, it is not my best grasp of characters…in fact everyone is probably so ooc it's not even funny…or maybe it is, but anyway…the point is that this story is not very good. It is merely one created by me because I was bored and I was playing ping-pong and I wondered what would happen if I threw a bunch of random characters into a ping-pong ring and let them participate in a tournament.

Disclaimer: I do not own…Rurouni Kenshin, Pirates of the Carribean (first or second), Criminal Minds, CSI: Las Vegas, House, Monty Python (and the holy grail), or Flipsy (from Fairlyoddparents). Though I wish I did. Because then I would put them in all sorts of completely insane positions and fun crossover fics. .

Chapter One:

It started as a simple ping pong tournament; a small announcement on an ordinary piece of paper that was colored a bright lime green. It was this paper that soared through the air in the right hand of a small black-haired boy by the name of Yahiko as he ran down the dirt path to the Kamiya Dojo.

"Kenshin!" He yelled as he ran through the gates. "Hey Kenshin! Look what I found!"

The red-haired rurouni looked up from his place at the laundry bucket with a small "oro" and confusion shining in his violet eyes. "What is it, Yahiko?"

"It's a tournament!" He skidded to a stop next to Kenshin and shoved the paper in his face. "A ping-pong tournament, and the winner gets a cash prize."

"Did you say cash, Yahiko?" Came a dangerously sweet voice from the doorway of the dojo. "Kenshin, you should go. With your Hiten Mitsurugi, no one can beat you!"

"It does sound like fun, Kaoru-dono." The red-head nodded. "We should go."

"Yay!" Yahiko leapt into the air. "Now all we have to do is get to Washington, D.C." He looked puzzled. "Where's that?"

-----

A similar paper was in the hands of a devastatingly handsome pirate in the carribean – Jack Sparrow ahem (a/n: Captain Jack Sparrow. Narrator looks around nervously and corrects immediately.) Captain Jack Sparrow threw his beautiful hair over one shoulder in a fluidly dazzling motion and scanned the paper.

"What do you have there, Captain?" Gibbs spoke up, attempting to read over Jack's shoulder.

"It's about a tournament…a ping-pong tournament. And the winner gets gold!"

"Gold?" The crew glanced at their captain in anticipation.

"But are you sure you can win, Captain?" Gibbs asks uncertainly.

"You seem to forget one very important thing," Captain Jack Sparrow begins. "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. Never doubt my ability to win ping-pong." He thrust the paper into Gibbs' hands.

"Then do you have a heading?"

"Yes." He pointed off into the distance. "Take me to Washington, D.C!" He commanded in his handsomely commanding way.

"Hey, Captain?"

"Yes."

"What's ping-pong?"

---

"House!" Cuddy's shrill voice rang throughout the clinic.

House, being skilled at hiding from an ever-present Cuddy, was currently seated in exam room one watching General Hospital on his small tv. The door burst open to reveal an extremely angry Cuddy, clutching a lime green paper in her hand.

"What is this?" She demanded, shoving the paper at House who grabbed it and scanned it.

"Obviously," he began in his sarcastic tone, while turning his absolutely gorgeous blue eyes to Cuddy, "this is a notice about a ping-pong tournament in Washington, D.C. I would have thought the huge letters spelling PING-PONG TOURNAMENT would have been clear…" he trailed off at the fire blazing in her eyes.

"You are not going to some crazy tournament in Washington, D.C. In case you haven't noticed, we are a hospital and we treat patients, and you can't very well treat patients if you are not here." She turned on her heel and stomped to the door. "Oh, and clinic duty is not the time for you to watch your soaps – I'm sending a patient in." Then she was gone and House was left alone with his sarcastic, witty, and brilliant thoughts.

Washington, D.C. – he limp/hobbled over to the phone on the wall.

"I need Dr. Wilson in exam room one for a consult." Perhaps it was only intriguing because she didn't want him to go.

"Ping-pong tournament, here I come." He muttered to himself before returning to his rudely interrupted soap.

---

Life in the BAU was not particularly boring, but there are not always enough psychos to keep life entertained. Luckily, Dr. Spencer Reid had a love besides hunting down psychos, reading, solving really hard puzzles, researching, and regurgitating interesting facts – ping-pong. He was part of a secret ping-pong lovers society and was sent monthly newsletters announcing various tournaments. Dr. Reid was delighted to see that the next one was in Washington, D.C. and it was this weekend.

The team should have known something was up when their youngest came grinning into the office the next day, with the corner of a lime green piece of paper sticking out of the corner of his pants pocket. They never could have imagined that it was ping-pong.

"What's up Reid?" Asked Morgan. "Got a hot date for this weekend?" He teased.

"No." Reid said. "Even better."

_What could be better than a hot date?_ Morgan thought flabbergasted.

Reid pulled the piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to Morgan with a flourish.

"Ping-pong?" He asked incredulously. "You're going to a tournament?"

"Oh, where?" Asked JJ, walking up to peer over Morgan's shoulder. "Cool. Can I come?" She turned to Reid.

"Sure anyone can come." Reid said with a smile.

"You like ping-pong?" Morgan asked.

"Who doesn't?" She shrugged. "Are you going?"

He had a spectacular struggle with himself, but in the end, Morgan decided that if he wanted to continue to remain in the fanfic, he would have to come.

"I'm in." He nodded.

Reid's grin increased – they were going to Washington, D.C.

---

As opposed to the slow-down in Quantico, the number of deaths and such in Las Vegas seemed to be increasing at an alarming rate. Grissom sat at his desk, glaring at the coroner's report in front of him. To the right of this extremely depressing report lay (you guessed it!) a lime green sheet of paper. It had been found in the dead man's pocket and Grissom had read it because ping-pong was his third love (after Sara and roller coasters, of course) and he loved tournaments. But he knew he couldn't get away if this weekend (his time off) was commandeered once again by the no longer living. He was tempted to bang his head furiously against the nearest wall.

Luckily, at that moment, salvation came in the form of a psychotic fanfic writer controlling the narrator (which happens to be me) who control what happens in the story. Basically, she caused Las Vegas to clean up its act and not be in need of Crime Scene investigators for a weekend. And forced them to celebrate by sending them all (by plane of course) to Washington, D.C. to participate in the ping-pong tournament. She also made Grissom's headache disappear and made sure Grissom and Sara sat next to each other in the plane because she's a sucker for those co-worker romances.

---

King Arthur (king of the Britains), pretty much didn't know where in the world the lime green paper airplane that hit him in the head was from and he wasn't really that keen to find out. Instead he opened the paper and found that some insane authoress (that's me 3) had commanded him to go immediately to a ping-pong tournament in Washington, D.C. Since she happened to play the role of god in this particular fic, he had no choice but to round up his completely mental knights and ride (using coconuts of course) to Washington, D.C.

The only problem was that he had no idea where Washington, D.C. was. The great thing about having an authoress on your side meant that you could just poof places, so the entire crew poofed to Washington, D.C. because I said so. And what I say goes.

---

Flipsy, the cutest little electronic flipping puppy, was getting bored of the crazy dude dressed in black trying to take over the world. So he came and lived with me to help me make poor innocent little characters do pretty much what I want them to do, which right now includes sending them to a ping-pong tournament. I let him go to the tournament because I am a nice person.

A/N: Hiya! To clear a few things up…yes, I am crazy, and yes, they are all playing ping-pong for no other reason than that I thought it would be fun! 3

You don't hafta review, but if my grammer sucks or something you can tell me and I probably won't fix it, but I'll keep it in mind for the future. .


	2. Chapter 2

Our Completely Odd Balad of a Psychotic Fanfic

Disclaimer: I do not own…Rurouni Kenshin, Pirates of the Carribean (first or second), Criminal Minds, CSI: Las Vegas, House, Monty Python (and the holy grail), or Flipsy (from Fairlyoddparents). Though I wish I did. Because then I would put them in all sorts of completely insane positions and fun crossover fics. .

Chapter Two:

Washington, D.C. was so excited to see all these random ping-pong enthusiasts, it started to cry. Okay, so it was raining. Pouring, more like, water dripping down every possible thing it could reach out in the gloomy gray morning. (a/n: sunny days are no fun – it had to be raining…but don't worry…in this case, rainy weather doesn't always mean gloomy things happening .)

All earlier mentioned participants were gathered in the room where you get ready for vicious and violent battles…though hopefully, these battles would neither be vicious nor violent; though I'm sure the paddles, ping-pong balls and table would be inclined to disagree.

Kenshin (in a moment of what was sure to be remembered as moronic) had invited Master Hiko to come and watch him play. Afore mentioned Master had taken up residence in the quickly filling stands next to Kaoru, Yahiko, Sano, and Megumi (who only came because Sano coerced her…we all know they love each other 3). He was slightly nervous, having never played ping-pong before, but was confidence that his super-human reflexes would help him to win so Kaoru would glomp him…(sweatdrop, though we know they love each other too) for lack of a better word…ahem…on with the story.

Captain Jack Sparrow had invited his whole crew, including Davy Jones, Will, Elizabeth and Bootstrap who only came because Will forced him off the boat. Davy Jones and the crew were sitting on opposite ends of the stadium, Bootstrap, Will, and Elizabeth were sitting with the crew, a tad uncomfortable near a…thing…that would cut his own heart out and still walk around and stuff…it was creepy. In all honesty, Davy Jones was unaware of a plot to get rid of his boat while he was sitting there waiting for the tournament to be over so he could reclaim Captain Jack Sparrow's soul. He was scowling…and it was weird to watch and octopus looking thing attempt to scowl.

House had dragged Wilson and his three little ducklings, just seeing if Cuddy would have a cow while he was gone. House wasn't actually going to participate; his three fellows were going to play for him; mostly just because he didn't have a lot of mobility with his cane. He just wanted to watch them make fools of themselves at a game he was pretty sure none of them had played. He couldn't help but smirk to himself as he watched his ducklings prepare for what was sure to be a smackdown – he couldn't wait.

Dr. Reid was the only one who was actually going to play; the rest of the BAU only went to offer moral support and hopefully watch their youngest succeed in something that didn't involve psychos, serial killers, kidnappers, really hard puzzles, or a book that he could read in ten minutes. While all of this was impressive, it was more impressive that none of them knew about Dr. Reid's secret passion for ping-pong. Needless to say, it was going to be an interesting weekend.

Grissom was, of course, going to play, and he tried to convince Sara, but she said she'd rather watch. The whole team ended up coming – Sara, Katherine, Nick, Greg, and Warrick, but Grissom couldn't convince any of them to play. He knew it was just because they'd hate to be beaten in front of so many people – and he could hardly say he blamed them.

King Arthur – and his knights – had miraculously been poofed to the stadium in time to register for the tournament, but the only one who had been commanded to participate was King Arthur himself. The rest of the knights and various others who had been poofed by mistake made their way to the audience and took their seats – apprehensive at the introduction of this fascinating sounding new game.

Flipsy, of course, was getting special treatment because he was Flipsy and because the authoress said so and she's the boss of this little world. Flipsy would only have to play when he wanted to – perks of living with the boss lady.

Now, as people are prone to say when the audience is ready – in their seats with helmets and shields in fear of ping-pong balls…no? Okay, well, what people say when everything is ready: "the die is cast!" or in this case: the cast is cast! giggles like a mad fool…or a crazy person – I'm not picky


End file.
